The Whomping What?
by Poodle-and-Whorey
Summary: Mother and daughter come to Hogwarts as Student and Teacher. Lets just say, all hell breaks loose. Whorey: READ OR DIE Poodle: Don't listen she's drunk.
1. Chapter 1

"Are your bags packed?"

"Yes Mother!"

"Are you using a tone?!"

"Do you want me to?!"

"Hell yes! Your too soft!"

"Whatever whore!"

"Your grounded!"

"What?!"

"Kidding."

In a cloud of smoke and dust two bodies crashed to the floor of the headmasters office.

Dumbledore glanced up over his half mooned glasses with beady eyes, "Ah, Ms. Jei, and...Ms. Jei." He chuckled lightly reaching out a nimble shaky hand. The tiny raven haired teenager gladly took the invitation, while her mother brought herself to her feet, back pressed against the stone walls of the room.

"Belle my dear, was this your first flu powder experience? You seem to be a tad shaken." The old brittle man pulled the short girl to the comfort of a satire lavender chair, dusting off the back of her cloak.

"Oh stop it Albus she's fifteen not six." The older woman said approaching the chair her daughter occupied.

"The same age you were when you had me." Belle said tilting her head back to get a good look at her mother.

"Are you implying something young lady?"

"Only that your a whore mommy." Belle batted her eyes at the woman. Aicii raised a brow and grabbed her darling baby girl in a headlock.

"EW MOM! I don't want your implants in my face!" Aicii laughed and ruffled her daughters hair, releasing her.

"You loved them when you were four..."

"Yes I know...wait four?" Belle leaned back, confused.

Aicii stroked Belle's cheek softly, "You had separation issues..." Belle twitched slightly. Dumbledore sat back in his silky crimson chair watching the two, an amused smile gracing his features.

Aicii fiddled with her goblet of pumpkin juice, she wasn't nervous or anything, she was just making herself look busy. Severus Snape was to the right of her and she was pretending to be oblivious to the fact that there was a painfully awkward silence drifting around them. They had a history. Wishing the sorting would start soon so that some of this tension would be lifted. Aicii sighed, she wasn't this patient.

"Are you still with Sirius?" Snape asked his questioning gaze directed into Aicii's apple green eyes.

Damn that was random, "Um, no..." Aicii hesitated not sure where the hell this was going.

"Remus?"

"No."

"The dark lord?"

"Yeah, I'm not into the whole no nose thing...anymore."

"Luscious?"

"God no."

"Arthur?"

"Which one?"

"Weasley."

"Oh then no."

"Mr. Granger?"

"HELL FUCKING NO!"

"Mr. Crabbe?"

"NO!"

"Mr. Goyle?"

"Ew."

"Are you with anyone's dad?"

Aicii paused for second as if thinking it over, "I'm single at the moment..."

"I'm shocked." Snape leaned back in his chair looking over all the students in the great hall trying to figure out how many of their dads have slept with this woman.

Uncanny.

"Oh, don't be jealous Severus, you are still my favorite." Aicii grinned. Snape slumped further in his chair suddenly terrified for his health.

"I feel so sorry for your child." Snape said looking around for anyone who looked even remotely like the devil/woman sitting next to him.

"Ah, Belle? No she doesn't mind, as long as I don't give her a little sister or brother she's happy." Aicii said smirking.

"So...you had a girl..." Snape said minimizing his search to girls dressed in clothes two sizes to small.

"Don't start looking for a whore now. I raised a good one. A smart ass, but you gotta love the kid." Aicii said pointing to said teenager who stood to the side of all the first years waiting to be sorted separately.

"Huh, I won't be surprised if she has a child by the end of the year, knowing you." Snape murmured into his goblet. Aicii smiled, "Oh, Sev your making me blush!"

Snape glared, "Don't flatter yourself. It's not attractive." Aicii smirked and took a sip of the nasty liquid that was in her goblet, "That's not what you said." Snape twitched thinking of how many ways he could hex the whore to the left of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, we don't care if you hate the randomness and this fic has no real point. WE'RE FUCKING BORED!!!!!!!!!!

"Well?" The man muttered, pulling blankets from his face to allow sweet air to flow into his lungs.

"Well what?"

"Well?"'

"You can tell you've been... out of 'practice' since the last time I was 'with' you." The blond woman responded, with pure honesty.

Remus felt his cheeks grow a hot hue of pink, stomach knotting with disappointment.

Aicii sighed, pushing the man's arm from her waist. She emitted an agitated groan as she crawled nude on hands and knees. Clothes. Where the fuck were her clothes? She nibbled on her lip, Remus tended to throw them.. on the lamp shade! OF COURSE! Snatching the articles from said object she stumbled down the halls between the great schools walls, dressing as she did so. She was an expert of 'fuck-and-run.'

"Ms. Jei! My class is not nap time and unless you wish to turn out like your disrespectful mother, I suggest you wake and listen!" Severus snapped, gripping both ends of his wand with strong pale hands.

Draco and crew, snickering, rested back against their chairs, eyebrows lifted.

Belle's lips pulled upward to a chuckle, "You're just jealous because she'd rather fuck a toad than you." Her voice was cool and calm as it drifted throughout the dungeon of the potions room. Once the students, no matter which house, heard, each could not resist their impulses, laughter. Severus on the other hand was fuming. His knuckles grew a shade of white as his grip upon his wand tightened until, 'SNAP'.

"Professor, your wand broke a little."

"Four-hundred points... from Slytherin." The words escaped his lips before he could comprehend what they were.

"Ha, because you're not even a 4.00?" Belle's tone held that 'smart ass tone' her mother had reminded her fellow teachers.

"Out of my class until you learn respect for your superiors."

"Superiors?" Belle glanced around the room, "I would. but everyone here is below me... Sevy." With slender arms crossed across her chest, the girl cocked a competitive brow as if to say, 'come at me.'

Confusion?

Expected.

Roughly twenty years back Hogwarts was plagued by the Jei sisters. Aicii and Beiyu Jei. Gorgeous, talented, completely soulless, heartless, bitches. The two half sisters were orphaned at the soft ages of five, innocence was easily lost. When both were of age, they were 'adopted' (more of the family was forced to take in them) by close relatives of the Malfoy family, the Blacks. Of course the two smart asses were far too much for the family, mostly the young Sirius, but the two were both smart and strong enough to fit in. From then on it was school, mostly messing around. In her seventh year Beiyu, the eldest, joined death eaters and later was sent to Azkaban. In her sixth year Aicii literally disappeared. She left not only city, but country to hide her pregnancy. She was not ashamed of her child, more of, the father was unknown. In need of a Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Albus Dumbledore sent Aicii and daughter an invitation to become student and teacher.

'Dumbledore's office. This brings memories... except for the fact that it's not me in trouble, but me giving the detention. Oh I like it.' Aicii fingered the many objects upon the desk, she was easily amused. Albus emitted an airy chuckle and patted her shoulder, she was still the same immature girl she had been when they met. He lightly pushed her hip to motion for her to leave his chair, sighing she did so. Belle took the seat on the other side of the desk, finger nails tapping the surface in a bored manner.

"Well, like mother like daughter I see." Albus chuckled once more, the girl held her mothers fiery personality, but was the picture of her father.

"What do I need to do here Professor? I will apologise to you, but Sna-"

"Professor Snape."

"Professor Snape is a jerk." Belle gritted her teeth and fell back against her chair in an angry huff.

With an amused grin the headmaster motioned for Aicii to take his seat, which she gladly did, the only person to get to a bull headed female, was another bull headed female.

Once the old man was out of sight the blond woman wrapped her arms tightly around her daughters frail figure, "Belle I'll never disown you!"

"Aw Mo- WAIT! You were going to disown me?!"

"I was contemplating."

"You bitch."

"Flattering will get you no where, sweetie."

"It usually does with your dates."

"Honey, I'm intending to fuck them anyway."

"And the 'Mother of The Year' goes to.."

"And the 'No Food Or Cash For Three Months' goes to-"

"Okay, I'm shutting up."

"You're learning."

Stroking her daughter's thick black hair, Aicii noted how greasy it felt, much like someone else..

"ACHOO!"

"Bless you Professor Snape."

"Silence!"

Breaking from her mother's warm embrace Belle groaned and left the headmaster's room, mother waiting before following far behind. It hadn't been a fulfilling or amusing day, but at least it was nearly over. Peeves ran his cold fingers through her head, "Why Jei-Jei I can't feel your brain! i knew you never had one."

"Hey Peeves! Get bent, oh yeah.. you don't have a dick anymore."

"Touche."

"Thanks."

This is Whorey's chapter.. AND I'M TIRED OF WRITING!


End file.
